


life is full of sweet mistakes (and love's an honest one to make)

by bellawritess



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: :))), Established Relationship, Fluff, John Mayer - Freeform, Love, M/M, New Year's Fluff, Slow Dancing, Songfic, but NOT based on a john mayer song, did covid happen in this fic or not? that's for me to know, hence the deliberate ambiguity, hon hon hon, it is not present in the fic, jk even i don't know, romance kinda, there is one (1) passing reference to alcohol, this is also Not a proposal fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellawritess/pseuds/bellawritess
Summary: "Happy New Year," Ashton says, a matching smile on his face."Happy New Year," says Calum, warm all over. "I love you."
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	life is full of sweet mistakes (and love's an honest one to make)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [haikucal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikucal/gifts).



> happy birthday [cam](http://haikucal.tumblr.com/) !!!!! i wrote you some cashton because that's how much i love you <3 genuinely, cam, you have been one of the best things to happen to me in the last year. you are such a constant positive to me and to everyone - you create so much joy and are so funny, i think probably like top 5 funniest people in the world, and you listen to music with me and you even listen to my music WITHOUT me which is very romantic and.........i'm so lucky to know you and to have you in my life. i hope i'm back here in a year from now saying these exact same words. i adore you, and i hope your birthday is wonderful and that being 19 is your most fantastic year yet <3 love you love you love you
> 
> in other news: this fic has 2021 words, which i think is just incredibly sexy
> 
> now i know the title is deceptive but don't get it twisted. this fic is based on livin' on love by ajr. i had a minor crisis which meg was instrumental in resolving regarding whether or not it was morally and ethically permissible to title the fic after a different song than the inspiration of the fic, but ultimately i think this was the right move just like, vibes-wise. anyway i like this title a lot
> 
> SPEAKING of the title, it is from you're gonna live forever in me by john mayer, a song that reminds me of cam, just like many songs do, especially many john mayer songs. love you lots, cam, hope you like this <3

They don't hear the countdown reach zero. Calum will claim responsibility for that, but in his defense, he doesn't feel like it should be up to a stupid timer to decide when he gets to kiss his boyfriend. They're kissing when the countdown starts, still kissing through the cheers of _happy new year!_ on the TV, and a small smile starts to grow on Calum's face when he realizes that they've ended last year and started this one the same way: in love, together, connected in every sense of the word.

The smile causes Ashton to pull away, though he keeps his hands around Calum's neck like he might decide at any moment to drag Calum back in. Not that Calum would complain.

"Happy New Year," Ashton says, a matching smile on his face.

"Happy New Year," says Calum, warm all over. "I love you."

Ashton nods like Calum has made a good point. Which he has. "I love you. I can't wait to see what this year has in store."

Calum grins and finally reaches for the remote to click the TV off. A comfortable quiet replaces the chattering background noise. "Well, it's up to us. I mean, we've got all kinds of options. What should we do this new year? Taking suggestions."

Ashton exhales loudly and shifts so they're shoulder-to-shoulder on the couch, moving his hand to take Calum's. His feet kick up onto the coffee table. "I don't know. So many choices. Go to a country where we've never been? Learn a new language? Get married?"

Record scratch, freeze frame. Calum blinks. "What?"

Ashton shrugs. He tilts his head and looks up at Calum, and his expression is suspiciously unconcerned. "Well, we could. Nothing's stopping us."

"Uh, except we're not engaged."

"Yet," Ashton says.

"Nope," Calum replies, shaking his head. "Absolutely not. This is not how you're proposing to me. If this is your proposal, I'm saying no."

"Don't you think marriage just has a nice…" Ashton pauses for effect. " _Ring_ to it?"

Calum groans. "I hate you."

"A nice ring to it? Don't you think so?"

"Fucking hate you. Don't even bother trying to propose now."

Ashton laughs. It's the kind of sound Calum wishes he could hear forever, this elated laugh that always makes Calum laugh too, even as he wishes he wouldn't because he'd rather hear just Ashton. "Come on, Calum. It's like you don't know me at all. If I _was_ proposing, you'd be so speechless you wouldn't even be able to say yes. I'm a romantic bastard."

"I _know_ that," Calum says, slightly affronted. "Which is why I don't feel badly saying no to this non-proposal. Work on it and get back to me, fuckhead."

"Fuckhead," Ashton echoes fondly. He looks up again into Calum's face, smirking. "I love how sweet and loving we are to each other."

"Alright, fuck off," Calum says, shaking his head as Ashton laughs once again. "Hey, can we toast?"

"Oh, shit, yeah." Neither of them move for a moment. Calum starts wishing they'd never need to. It could be nice, to spend days and nights and lifetimes glued to the couch with Ashton. Alone it would be miserable, but Ashton has a way of making everything worthwhile. He'd probably even find beauty in it, or at the very least poetry. 

It’s one of the many, many things Calum admires about Ashton. He's not delusional — he knows this relationship isn't one-sided, knows that Ashton could list off five things he admires about Calum without pausing for breath right this second — but in places where Calum feels like he falls short, somehow Ashton always excels.

They fill each others' gaps like that. Calum enjoys the poetry of that idea.

Finally, Ashton says, "We can't toast if we don't toast. Come on. Let's do it. It's tradition."

So they heave themselves off the couch, Ashton offering Calum a hand, and relocate to the kitchen to retrieve the sparkling cider and champagne flutes. It's better with sparkling cider, in Calum's opinion; he's never liked the taste of champagne.

Ashton pops the cork and pours their toast glasses. The bubbles fizz and pop as Calum watches. He appreciates that sparkling cider is a multi-sensory experience. As Ashton hands Calum his flute, he lifts his own and says, "A toast." Pause. "To…to the last year and the next one. To everything we've learned, and using it to our benefit." He smiles softly at Calum, and Calum's heart melts a little. "To you, my dear. I've never learned more from anything or anyone than from you. You teach me every single day how to be better than I've been. Thank you for loving me, and thank you for letting me love you." He lifts his glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers," Calum echoes, feeling like his insides are just liquid gold and nothing more. "Well, that was one hell of a toast, babe."

"I like to set the bar high."

"Clearly." Calum chuckles. "Okay, well. It feels like we've got a lot to toast. A lot of things. The people who stuck around this long. And the people who didn't, who made the ones that did so much more valuable." 

Calum thinks back to the start of the year, and it's not easy. It's been a long, long year, like all of them are, and last January feels a million miles away. Ashton hums his quiet agreement. He's always patient when Calum is gathering his thoughts, something Calum will never find adequate words for which to express his gratitude.

"To all the songs we wrote, and all the ones we haven't yet," he continues, remembering late-night unofficial writing sessions spread out across their living room floor, Calum struggling for the hundredth time to phrase something the way he wants to, jotting down the concept instead in a journal with plans to look at it again later. It's a relief, at least, to know that he's never lacking for ideas, only the words and rhythm to describe them.

Gesturing around them, he adds, "To the things we have, that we are so lucky to have, and the job that allows us to have them." He pauses, bites his lip. Ashton is smiling with unrestrained joy. It makes his whole face look like sunshine. "To the people we are, and the people we used to be, and the growth from one to the other. To the person I am because of you, Ashton. You make me feel like a brand new man every day."

Ashton obviously doesn't want to interrupt Calum's toast, but even Calum knows he's gone too long. It's not supposed to be this sentimental, but he can't help it. There's so much in his life to be thankful for, so many things to acknowledge. So many people.

A few that matter a little bit more than the rest, though.

"And," he concludes, "to our crazy arsehole friends who let us be in their band, and who brought you to me. To the job we have and the life we live and the people we surround ourselves with. I hope that I'm toasting to those same people this time next year, and I hope I'm doing it like this, with you." Lifting his glass, he adds, "To us."

"Cheers," Ashton says. His ear-to-ear grin is almost blinding. "Alright, shit, Cal. We get it, you're a sentimentalist."

"Shut up, you're sentimental too," Calum says, rolling his eyes with a smile. Ashton taps their glasses together, and as one they both drink.

The cold bubbly sparkling feeling travels through Calum's body, like if pins and needles could happen to his insides too. It makes him feel a little lighter, a little giddier; he laughs and pulls Ashton in for a kiss, which Ashton graciously reciprocates.

"That was a good toast," he says, once they break apart. The fizzing is still on the tip of Calum's tongue. He licks his lips and takes another sip of his cider. "Well said."

"Thank you. Would you believe I didn't plan it?"

"Yes," Ashton says, "because you don't plan anything."

"I plan some things!"

Ashton hums in disbelief. "Okay."

"Besides, who needs to make plans when I've got you?" Calum slides his arm around Ashton's waist, tucking himself against Ashton's side. "You're my plan. Morning, noon, and night. Don't need other plans."

Ashton huffs a laugh. "Very romantic."

"Well, I'm romantic, what can I say?"

Ashton kisses his cheek. "Dance with me?"

"What, now?"

"Yeah. We can put some music on. I think it'll be nice."

And Calum doesn't even have to think about it, because really. An opportunity to dance with his boyfriend and probably favorite person in the world is something Calum will never pass up. "I'd love to."

As Calum puts away the sparkling cider and finishes the rest of his drink, Ashton pulls out his phone. A moment later, the gentle piano and melodic whistling of 'You're Gonna Live Forever In Me' is floating out of the speaker on Ashton's phone. Calum chuckles.

"John Mayer?" he asks. 

Ashton hums as Calum closes the fridge and holds out a hand. "He's got some good words."

Calum has to concede there. He takes Ashton's hand and Ashton pulls him closer until they're close enough that Calum can feel Ashton's breath. "This is a bit of a vibe change."

"I know, but it felt appropriate," Ashton says quietly, curving an arm around Calum's waist, palm flat over the small of his back. "You _are_ gonna live forever in me, you know."

Calum wraps his arms around Ashton's neck and rests his head against Ashton's shoulder. "You are too," he murmurs, knowing it's true. Parts of him _were_ made by Ashton, and at this point they're so inextricably intertwined that Calum doesn't think most of his current self would exist without Ashton.

But he suspects much the same is true about Ashton, and he enjoys the notion that they're a sum greater than its parts. Really, they're both a Calum and an Ashton each.

The kitchen is filled with John Mayer's calming voice, and for the rest of the song, neither of them speaks. They sway gently, sort-of-but-not-really in time to the music. It ends, and after a moment of silence, 'The Heart Of Life' starts up, familiar muted guitars bringing a smile to Calum’s face.

"What kind of nostalgia are you going for here?" he teases, eyes closed, face tucked into Ashton's neck.

Ashton chuckles. "I love this song." Calum knows that, of course. He loves it too, but only because Ashton loved it first. And anyway, they only know it from Michael. This song has made the rounds. " _Love turns the whole thing around._ It's one of those lines that you don't believe is true until you're in love, you know?"

Calum hums. "Yeah. I get that."

"You turn my whole life around," Ashton whispers, pressing a kiss to Calum's hair, and Calum is glad his face is hidden because even now, after all these years, the simplest line makes him blush. 

"You know it's the same for me," he mumbles, and tries to kiss the slope of Ashton's neck, which is all he can reach without moving. "I could live for just this. I could live because of this. You make it all worth it, Ash."

Ashton breathes out, quiet. Neither of them says anything until the electric riff leads them into the last chorus. Then Ashton says, "I think this year will be good."

Calum thinks so, too. He gets the sense this question requires an elaboration, though, so he says, "Yeah? Why?"

"As long as I start and end it with you," Ashton says softly, "I think I could handle anything."

It's impossible to guess, just like it had been impossible to predict their previous year, but at the moment, Calum can't help but to agree. The two of them, swaying in quiet comfort to a song about trusting the world despite all its shortcomings, could handle anything.

So Calum just smiles to himself and says, "Well, that's my plan."

They're both smiling as the song ends.

**Author's Note:**

> okay!!! two fics in two days wow lucky us ANYWAY i love you cam i hope your birthday is bitchin and that you have a wonderful day and year and life <3 if anyone wants to come say hey i'm on tumblr as usual [@clumsyclifford](http://clumsyclifford.tumblr.com/) and i have lots to say at all times!! xoxo


End file.
